Sentosuh Mentosuh

I will never in my life step foot in the kitchen again, ever. I was inspired by watching Jamie’s Chef, and since it made me hungry to watch, I tried to to cook ham and eggs for late night supper. But while frying the ham somehow it starting to smell like it was burning, and I kept looking at the ham and it looked perfectly fine, but next thing I knew, the newspaper I was using to cover the pan was on FUCKING FIRE. I was like WHADAFARK ZOMGX I’M GONNA DIE $*@)%#*! ARRRfuckGHH!!! And the worst thing is? Instead of dumping the newspaper in the basin I started waving it around like a maniac, thinking it would douse the flame. Like wtf what I thinking?!?! I swear if it wasn’t for my brother who told me to just leave the paper on the floor and extinguished it with water I would have already been burnt alive. (I know I know, it wasn’t a big enough fire to practically burn me alive, but it was enough to like, cause facial scarring y’know?)

I’m swearing off cooking for now. Damn, just when I was so totally into wanting to bake cupcakes and cookies for someone. Ugh. And my ham and eggs ended up looking like charcoal and…some brown-black carcinogen. I am so gonna get cancer from all the burnt food. Oh wait, I’m already going to get cancer from smoking, DAMN. Oh well, live fast die young! Life is short! Carpe diem!

/edit/ I just realised I don’t have an oven to bake with. Beyond brilliant. I shan’t ask anyone to lend me their kitchen because after this post, I guess no one would dare to offer for fear of their apartment being burned down. But if anyone would take the risk (and keep a fire extinguisher on hand) please let me know because I am in desperate need to bake cupcakes for someone’s burstday! Dank choo belly much and lub choo lawng tyme.